ABC goes Fox Hunting

Currently Reading: Vengeance is Mine! by Mickey Spillane

Am I the only one who recalls the purpose of the "judges" on American Idol? I'm starting to wonder. Every time I look at a news site or browse TV or the papers I come across some article about ABC and their hit piece tonight on American Idol. The shocker seems to be that Paula Abdul 41 had an affair with some reject 22.

Now, my first reaction to hearing all this is, so?

My second reaction is, Paula's 41? Damn I feel old!

My third reaction is, wait, she's 41 and got him? Nice job Paula, you go girl!

So, for those of you who have forgotten or didn't know in the first place, the "judges" on American Idol don't actually JUDGE anything. They sit through a performance then give their opinion. It usually goes something like...

Randy: DAWG! Welcome back to the competition! The beginning was a little pitchy but I think you pulled it out in the end!
Paula: Yeah, he did. Let me just say (stands up and claps) That was FABULOUS! I've been pulling for you the whole time (gush gush gush).
Simon (boos from the crowd): Am I the only one who stayed awake during that performance? It sounded like the sort of thing you see in the lounge on a cruise ship. No, no I'm serious. You'll have to take it to the next level if you want to be the top Idol.
Ryan: Don't listen to Simon. His shirt is too tight.
Simon: Well at least I'm wearing a shirt Ryan and not a bloody garbage bag!

So, after everyone performs there's a phone number to call or a number to send a text message to. Audience jams the phone lines, lots of busy signals and gnashing of teeth. The next day Ryan tells us about the record setting number of votes or how CLOSE it was between the loser and the next to last place finisher and after many commercials, he reveals how America voted.

Ok, so where's the scandal? The judges don't vote. Hell they barely judge anymore. I think ABC is just pissed off that their ratings aren't as high as they'd like and all they can really do now is try and attack the shows on other networks. That way they can 1. cash in on that show's popularity and 2. try and knock them down a peg.

Look for future stories on ABC about how, in fact, everybody does NOT love Raymond, that the Sopranos are actually tenors, and a special 2 hour spectacular uncovering the mystery of Donald Trump's hair.