Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Chuck Norris Facts

Currently Reading: Space Cadet by Robert A. Heinlein

Somewhere out there, right now, as you sit reading this, Chuck Norris is doing something amazing! No, it's true. He's become an icon lately, especially on the Internet and doubly so with the troops in Iraq. There's even a web site (of course there is, there always is) with Chuck Norris facts such as:

  • If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  • There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  • Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
  • Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

And these facts, chosen by Chuck Norris himself!

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
All of this goes to prove that, if nothing else, Chuck has a really good sense of humor about all of this. A lot of people would take this sort of thing TOO seriously and get all upset thinking people are mocking them. But not Chuck. He knows it's all in good fun.

There's a great article about all of this in the AP from Monday. I'll paste it.

Chuck Norris the only WMD in Iraq, say U.S. troops

By Mohammed Abbas

FALLUJA, Iraq (Reuters) - Hollywood action star Chuck Norris, known for his martial arts prowess and tough-guy image, has become a cult figure among the U.S. military in Iraq and an unlikely hero for some in Iraq's security forces.

A small cardboard shrine is dedicated to Norris at a U.S. military helicopter hub in Baghdad, and comments lauding the manliness and virility of the actor have been left on toilet walls across Iraq and even in neighboring Kuwait, soldiers say.

"The fastest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist," reads one message at the shrine, which consists of a signed photo of the actor surrounded by similar statements.

"Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter," reads one and "Chuck Norris divides by zero," reads another.

Known as Chuck Norris "facts", the claims have already become an Internet phenomenon, and scores are featured on www.chucknorrisfacts.com, including "Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas", and "There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma".

The actor has visited Iraq several times and was made an honorary Marine last year. Some 20 U.S. military personnel and support staff spoken to by Reuters could recite at least one Norris "fact", despite many having not visited the Web site.

U.S. troops in Iraq say his support for them and Norris' invincible image has made him their idol and insist the exaggerated and satirical claims are not meant to mock him.

"The jokes all add to his legend. They're not derogatory. He's an icon," said Sergeant Joe Lindsay at a base in Falluja in Iraq's Western Anbar province, which Norris has visited.


Bearded and muscled, Norris shot to fame fighting kung fu legend Bruce Lee in the 1972 film The Way of the Dragon, and later films show him devastating groups of men with one kick.

"Norris visited Iraq when violence was its worst and other celebrities were skittish. He's one of the guys," U.S. military public affairs officer Specialist Mark Braden said in Baghdad.

"The Marines love him. He's like a mythical legend," Staff Sergeant Amy Forsythe in Falluja said.

Soldiers cited many reasons for his appeal. Some appreciated his films and fighting ability -- Norris is a martial arts guru, and many of his films have military themes.

Others said the masculine and plainly dressed actor was an antidote to the preening and moisturized metrosexual male.

Some praised his Christian and political values. The actor recently endorsed Republican Party presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, though in the spirit of the Norris "facts", Marines argued it was Huckabee who endorsed Norris.

"He's helped us a lot. The appeal is also his martial arts, and sheer physical presence ... I don't think I go a day without hearing a Norris joke," said Corporal Ricardo Jones in Falluja.

Norris' appeal is not restricted to U.S. troops either. At an Iraqi police graduation ceremony in Falluja, graduates called out for their "Chuck Norris" to pose with them for photos.

"Truthfully, I didn't know who he was. I asked the Americans, and they said he was a great fighter, and that's why they named me after him. They showed me a video, and it's true, he's a great fighter" said police trainer Mohammed Rasheed.

With his handle-bar moustache, Rasheed has a vague resemblance to Norris.

Another police trainer said Chuck Norris was a role model for the police in Falluja, which until 2007 was an al Qaeda stronghold and the scene of fierce battles with security forces.

"I've seen his videos, he's a hero. He saves the city, he protects women and children and he fights crime wherever it is. We should all be like Chuck Norris," Khaled Hussein said.

(Editing by Matthew Jones)

Kung Fu Panda!

We saw Kung Fu Panda on Sunday. It was GREAT! Go see it! No, right now. Stop reading this and go watch it!

Ok, you don't really have to. Here, let me post the trailer again so you know which movie I'm talking about.

If you don't like Disney type movies, probably you should skip this one, but otherwise, GO WATCH IT!

Accumulated Oddities

Currently Reading: Space Cadet by Robert A. Heinlein

Things have gotten a little weird in my universe lately. It all seemed to start right after we got that new car. No, there's no actual link between the two. Just coincidence there, and in fact, having the extra car has made the weirdness easier to deal with. Here's what's been going on (the short version because seriously, it would take me forever to write about it if I went into too much detail):

  1. We got the new car, you can see it over on CC's blog.
  2. The day after we got the car, I got a call from my manager telling me that I was going to the Winchester store to fill in for three weeks while they handled their vacations.
  3. Later that day I found out that corporate has decided that they no longer know WHO is going to the new store. So, I may not be going to the Collierville store when it opens after all.
  4. And speaking of the new store, it's no longer opening in June. Might be early July now, or later in July. And no one seems to have ANY idea.
  5. The afternoon of my first day at the Winchester store (which I refer to as being in exile), the apartment complex FINALLY replaced the AC unit in our apartment. Over that weekend, the coolest we could get the apartment was 82 degrees with the AC on.
  6. That night, again, while I'm in exile, the water heater sprayed steam into the sprinkler head that keeps the water heater from getting TOO hot and burning down the apartment. In short, it set off the sprinkler and the fire alarm, flooded the hallway of our apartment, summoned THREE fire trucks and flooded the two apartments below us (again, you can see the details at CC's blog).
  7. I've actually seen THREE summer movies and it's only JUNE! What's up with THAT?

Things are FINALLY starting to go back to normal now, almost one full week into exile. The carpet in the hall still has a damp smell to it that we're hoping the carpet cleaners can get out. They pulled up the pad and were supposed to be in yesterday to replace it but they never showed up. Maybe they'll be here today. So, the apartment kinda smells a little bit when you first come in and there's no padding under the carpet in the hall. Otherwise, we're pretty much back to normal.

See what I mean about weirdness? Yeah, just little things like that, one after the other. We got the AC fixed though. That's a good thing right?