Why I hate Mondays and like The Hulk

Currently Reading: Planet Hulk by Marvel

I hate Mondays. I really do. Funny thing is, as CC keeps reminding me, Mondays for me are like Fridays for everyone else, at least in terms of which days I work. Tuesday and Wednesday are my weekend days so you'd think being closer to them would be a good thing right?

Mondays for me tend to start on Sunday, which is part of the problem. Sundays I'm at the store 10 to 6. No big deal there right? Sure I'm there until dinnertime but I also don't have to roll out of bed at the crack of dawn. No, rolling out of bed at or before sunrise is something I reserve for MONDAY!

Less than 12 hours after I return home from work Sunday evening, I'm crawling out of bed Monday morning. Why? Because Monday is my day to open. The salon opens at 7 am which means I have to be there a little before that to set things up and be ready for all those happy customers who want their dogs cut. Just think about that for a second. At the time when most people are either just getting up or just eating breakfast or maybe even just sitting in morning traffic, I'm already standing behind the counter waiting to take customers.

So there I am, 7 am, Monday morning. The only thing that separates me from the weekend is an 8-hour work day. You'd think that would be an easy thing. But just remember, this is Monday and it doesn't matter whether it's your first, middle or last day of the week, it's still Monday and Monday's are universally a pain in the ass.

First hour one of two things will happen. Either I'll be flooded with people trying to drop their dogs off on the way to work or the place will be completely empty. It's always one or the other. There never seems to be any sort of middle ground. I'm either springing into action right up front or trying not to fall asleep. The thing is, I really have no way of telling which one it will be. On the appointment calendar it will say, at most, one person checking in at 7 am. And that one person will bring, at most, 2 dogs. The others will be walk-ins and there is no way to predict when people will get the urge for some dog hair cutting (holidays excepted of course).

Let's use Monday of this week as an example. 7 am was a no-show. Phone rings 7:30. Repeat customer wants to bring in his poodle. Fine, great, wonderful, makes up for the one who didn't show. Perfect. 8 am I have 4 people all trying to get their dogs in at the same time. Why? Well, repeat customer has made it to the salon, the scheduled 8 am person is also there but now the two 9 am customers have decided they'll be busy at 9 and are dropping their pets off early. And like that *poof* we've gone from total boredom to near chaos.

8:30 am all the dogs are in and I've started washing them. By 9 I'm mostly caught up with all the dogs washed and rough cuts done on the poodle and the chow mix. Ok, going great so far. Not going to be too bad. Then we hit 9:30. Every remaining appointment shows up. Oh no, I'm not kidding. We have appointments listed until 2 pm only for some reason, this being Monday, everyone else on the list has decided to show up a little early.

10 am I have 8 dogs sitting in the back, only a few of them are done. The phone is ringing every 10 minutes as people try and talk me into squeezing just one more dog in. Of course, I can't do that no matter how nice they ask. I'm only supposed to take in 6 cuts in a given day and I've already got 7 on deck with one just in for a bath. So unless it's a full-blown 5 alarm dog grooming emergency (such as a skunk hit) they'll just have to wait.

11 am. That's when I look at the clock and think, "Oh crap it's 11 already? I've only got 4 hours left to finish all these dogs!" Of course the phone is STILL ringing off the hook. I've managed to push these people onto the other days when we're not as busy but so long as they keep calling, I can't finish this little toy poodle which only needs to have her face trimmed up a little.

11:30 am poodle is done and the owner is picking her up. She looks great. He thinks she looks great. I think she looks great. Guess what though. Over at the registers they're no longer giving cash back. Even if you pay for your purchase with a debit card you're no longer given the option to get cash back. New policy. We have as little cash on hand as possible now. WONDERFUL. Good for the store but bad for us in the salon as most of our tippers use that cash back option to get the money to tip us with. Ah well. As word spreads our regular tippers will start bringing a little extra with them. For now though, it means no tips.

Noon. The sun is high in the sky. Not that I can see it because we're overcast. Two bath dogs come in but I've already got enough on my plate. They'll have to wait until the bather comes in at 1. That's fine by the owners so it doesn't slow me down too much. Just adds more barking to the chorus.

12:30. I'm catching up. Several more dogs are done and it's looking like I'll manage to get to those two poodles pretty soon and get them done by 3:30. Not bad, only half an hour behind.

2:00. All done except for those last two poodles. I'm taking a chocolate break because DAMN I need the energy. I've now reached the point where as soon as my last dogs are done, I can leave. Or at least I can clock out and wait for CC to pick me up, which is just as good because it means my work day is done.

2:30. The last poodle won't stand still. I am not kidding about this, the little guy will NOT stand still. I'm shaving a moving target and the owner has left specific instructions about how she wants this one done. One false move and it's a bad cut. I'm getting frustrated and it's starting to show. Time to take a step back and pause a bit. Let the little guy get some of that energy out of his system.

3:00 All done now except for this last poodle. He still won't stop moving. Every time the clippers come close to him, he turns his head and spins around. Sometimes he tries to bite them. I'm tempted to let him. Problem is, his owner wants him to have a mustache. If he bites the clippers, that mustache is gone.

3:15 mustache almost disappears. While shaving the bridge of his snout, the poodle suddenly turns. Good thing my reflexes still work. He damn near lost half his mustache.

3:35. FREE AT LAST! Poodle is FINALLY done. Had to do most of him by hand (scissoring, it takes MUCH longer to get an even cut that way). There's hair all over the place and I'm 100% covered in it too. Every time I breathe in I can feel it. I'd be sneezing by now except I just don't have the energy. Time to clock out and decompress.

And that's Monday. Or so I think. 5 pm we make it home. CC had a meeting and stayed a bit late. No big deal. It happens. We walk through the front door of the apartment and smell the poo. It's everywhere! Doggies have bad tummies because of some chew bones they've been working on. Poo is NOT solid, I repeat, poo is NOT solid!

Yes . . . it's Monday. Let there be no doubt.

All of this must have some connection with why I like the Hulk. Lately he's been the only Marvel hero who's been consistent. The Fantastic Four have split up yet again and reformed with two new members (Mr. F and Sue are taking some time off to work on their marriage). Iron man has turned into a total control freak and Captain America has up and died on us again. I hate it when that happens.

Meanwhile, poor Robert Bruce Banner has turned into the hulk and been shot into space to deal with a rogue intelligence satellite which has gotten a little too smart for its own good. His job: HULK SMASH! Gotta love that. Such easy instructions. It'd be like someone coming into the salon and asking me to GROOMER SHAVE! It's never that easy in real life.

Anyway, so there the guy us, beating the crap out of the satellite. He wins, they send a shuttle to pick him up. Time to head home right? Well not quite. Seems a group of smart Marvels have decided that we're better off with the Hulk somewhere else. Like ripping up someone else's planet. So rather than bringing him home, they pick an uninhabited planet out there in the middle of nowhere and off he goes. Naturally they fail to take into account this hidden wormhole so he ends up on the wrong planet. And that's where the fun begins.

This sort of thing is ALWAYS happening to Banner/Hulk. It seems to be one of the few constants in the Marvel universe. The other heroes may change their costumes or the teams may change their players. Hell some of the bad guys even become good guys once in a while but none of that changes for the Hulk.

His whole story is one ongoing quest for peace and I guess we can all identify with that to some extent. Hell I know after surviving another Monday that's all I want, just a little peace and quiet. And let's face it, how many times have you wanted to solve a problem the Hulk way? Some guy cut you off in traffic? Just reach out and toss that car onto the side of the road. That'll teach him :-) Some obnoxious jerk yacking at full volume on his cell phone, bragging about how important he is? Reach out and spread a little of the Hulk's love. Just take phone and reduce it to dust with a pinch of your fingers. Trying to watch a movie and the kids behind you won't stop kicking your chair? Why that's no problem for the Hulk. Just pick those kids up, chair and all, and deposit them in some other theater.

We like the Hulk. We like the Hulk especially on Mondays.